I keep wanting to write blogs about the crafts I’ve been making, but they’re all Christmas gifts for people who read this, which would sort of ruin the surprise. =/ Instead, here are some non-crafting thoughts I’ve been having.
The office I work in pipes in music all day, every day. For 11 months out of the year, it’s awful, instrumental, elevator music (that follows you wherever you go – seriously, it’s programmed so that when you enter an empty room, bathrooms included, the lights go on and the music starts,) but during December we get Christmas music! With lyrics! This is a huge step up for us, but it means that 5 days a week, 9 hours a day, all I hear is Christmas music.
That said, I give you: Kitty’s Thoughts On 3 Classic Christmas Songs + 2 Others I Don’t So Much Care For.
1. Little Drummer Boy
In this song, we’ve got a little boy who isn’t able to bring any gifts when he visits Jesus in the manger, so instead the boy offers to play his loud percussion instrument for the newborn baby. Mary says “Oh, what the heck” and the drummer boy plays his little heart out to the great joy of all the sleeping patrons of the inn. What I find most disturbing is that the little drummer boy is so disillusioned, he imagines he sees Jesus smile at him after he’s completed his third drum solo. I’m sorry, honey, but Jesus just fought his way out of a uterus without a doctor’s aid; he doesn’t want an encore, he wants to go to sleep.
2. Do You Hear What I Hear?
This is another classic I very much enjoy, so I’ll only be poking fun at three lines: “A child, a child / Shivers in the cold / Let us bring him silver and gold.” Were silver and gold cheaper than a blanket? Is he supposed to pawn the silver and gold and buy his own blanket? Or are we all just supposed to accept the fact that this is a case of the laziest rhyme in history? (Hint: it’s almost always the latter.)
3. The Man With All The Toys – The Beach Boys
I highly recommend you listen to this one if you haven’t heard it. This gets played at least twice a day in the office and it is incredibly emotionally scarring. The creepiest part here is the chorus. It simply goes, “He’s the man * with all * the toys” but imagine, if you will, at each asterisk, a jarring, high-pitched, “boop”-type noise. Now imagine that every time you hear that noise, The Beach Boys are popping their heads out from inside your fireplace, behind your Christmas tree, your sock drawer. I would go on, but I’ve given myself the heebie-jeebies.
4. Santa Clause Is Coming To Town – Jump5
I’m not going to point out the creepy lyrics here (“He knows when you are sleeping / He knows when you’re awake”) because I’m targeting this specific band’s cover of the song, not the song itself. If you listen to it, be forewarned: it’s exhausting. Listening to this song will make you feel like Jump5 is spitting pure adrenaline in your face, right through the speakers. And they don’t even care that all you want to do is sleep it off. They just keep shouting their peppy little chorus. Again and again. They have crazy eyes when they sing this, you can just tell. Plus, that’s what years of Pixie Stick abuse gives you.
5. 8 Days of Christmas – Destiny’s Child
Suffer no illusions, this is not an abridged version of the great classic we all know and love. No, Destiny’s Child has taken this song to a-whole-nother arena. I’m not even going to comment on this one, let’s just look at a sampling of the lyrics: “On the 8th day of Christmas, my baby gave to me a pair of Chloe shades and a diamond belly ring.” “On the 6th day of Christmas, my baby gave to me a cropped jacket with dirty denim jeans.” “On the 3rd day of Christmas, my baby gave to me a gift certificate to get my favorite CDs.” Well, Materialism, it’s nice to see you’ve joined the party. I only wish you’d dressed up and not come in those awful dirty denim jeans.